I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
