and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
