Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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