the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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