So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
do herpes really smell.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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