Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
