i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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