life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
