in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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