a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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