Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize