Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
