I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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