Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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