Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
These tits shall not be calmed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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