I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
