so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
