did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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