we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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