My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
