Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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