OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
