Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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