Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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