The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
