did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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