that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize