So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
