the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
