My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
