Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
