I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
