Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize