I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize