One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
