i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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