He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The power of my boobs compel you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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