its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
