epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
