No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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