i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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