How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
