When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
