Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
