I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
sex in a hospital.. check
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
