What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
