I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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