I got chris browned last night
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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