That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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