I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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