Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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