fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
