There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
