your room smells of hookers.
And success
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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