Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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