Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
