I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
