trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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