If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im part way to drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize