So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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